On Digital Minimalism.

 

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My Little Buddy.

Not a lot going on my mind. It's past 12 am already.

Just a deeper realization of how much I love my bocil. He's literally the family's light, what binds us together. You're so loved by many, Zafran. You're so loved by onty. I hope you grow up to be the best of individual who warms others' heart like you warm our hearts, adek. Onty will always have your back, onty will always be your big friend and you will always my little buddy.

Great Leaders around Me.

I could write long pages of how I oftentimes struggle with my work at Unilever - frankly because of my inability to find flow yet ((I'm trying hard not to blame the outside circumstances & cultivating agency mindset rn instead)), but if I was asked to write down only ONE thing that would definitely outweigh the hardships and enable me to keep my faith working here.... it is not the salary nor the benefit.

It's the leaders. The great leaders around me.

I would say this is the perks of being UFLP. Aku tidak menolak privileseku sebagai UFLP. The program itself allows us to "be supervised" under the leadership of many important people:

• WL2 the Managers as our Line Manager (in charge of our everyday learning process)
• WL3 the Directors as our Mentor (in charge of our whole development progress during UFLP)
• WL4 the Vice Presidents as our VP Sponsor (in charge of having the final say of our promotability potentials)

Sepanjang perjalanan UFLP-ku yang ternyata sudah hampir 2 tahun ini (#terharu), salah satu yang sebenarnya bikin aku bersyukur dan berbahagia sekali pernah bekerja, belajar, dan berproses di Unilever adalah karena banyak sekali orang-orang keren yang bisa aku jadikan role model di sekitarku. Orang-orang yang dari mereka aku bisa belajar banyak. Karena truth is, sometimes we're so focused to get the exposure to some highly exposed so-called unreachable leaders out there only to realize there are many around us who are only one message away. Dan tentu saja, sekali lagi aku bersyukur jadi UFLP karena platform ini memberiku keleluasaan untuk bisa reach out ke high level persons tanpa terasa *terlalu* sungkan. Not saying non-UFLP gabisa (well, I think the skip-level connects & feedback cultures is one of many I respect this company too), tapi kadang karena we're so consumed with our self-limiting beliefs, rasanya jadi terlalu sungkan untuk minta 1-on-1 dan mentorship langsung sama obos-obos. Sejenis "SIAPAKAH SAYA YG KROCO INI DIBANDING PARA VP INI???".

During my 2 years here, I've learned firsthand how my leaders have shaped me, personally and professionally. Yang baik, aku contoh dan terapkan. Yang buruk, aku ambil pelajaran. Cos you know what? Once you get under a bad leadership, it taught you what a leader IS NOT. Konsep ini juga yang aku denger minggu lalu waktu lagi 1-on-1 sama Mbak Hira, VP Modern Trade Unilever of whom used to be eCommerce Director (yang aku approach secara takut-takut di Januari 2021 lalu dan promoted jadi VP baru Juli kemarin - wow).

I would say banyak bangettt yang aku pelajarin dari para leaders ini. Not necessarily bisnis, tapi juga kehidupan, baik dari yang aku perhatikan langsung di social media mereka, atau aku pelajarin langsung dari ngobrol sama mereka. Justru, kenapa aku sangat mengagumi mereka in the first place adalah karena pekerjaan bukan satu-satunya hal yang mereka value #CancelHustleCulture (lah).

• I so adore Bu Enny Sampurno yang menenangkan aku "now you need to be happy for you, not for anybody else" sambil menawarkan tisu ketika interview UFLP 2 tahun lalu - the very reason I still declare my UFLP interview as the best interview I've ever had.
• I so adore Bu Ira Noviarti, then-VP turned EVP yang ternyata tumbuh di keluarga besar (dengan keadaan ayah yang menikah 2x) dan pernah mengalami hardship keuangan when she was little; yang kalau lihat IG-nya, you can see how much of a loving mom she is.
• Mba Hira Triadi yang definisi boss lady I aspire to be when I grow up. Definisi sharp & class can go hand-in-hand. Bahkan masih sempet dan rajin olahraga... *now searching for mirror addressed to that lady who said the other day she can't do it all bcs she has so much at work*
• Pak Irvan Cahyana, salah satu VP yang aku suka banget sesi mentoringnya, karena beliau suka banget kasi petuah kehidupan yang nggak judgemental dan lucu. Udah gitu kalo lihat IG story beliau dan Mba Lilis yang bucin banget....cutie....
• Tentu saja mentorku sendiri, Pak Wahyu Hidayat. The one who always believes in me. Yang nggak segan untuk selalu bilang ke HR "Bethari tuh bisa, saya yakin." 🥺 The brain behind many great initiatives of Unilever. Sosok yang awalnya aku takuti (just because I haven't tried to understand him deeper), tapi dari beliau aku belajar untuk punya drive, to make things happen, to always benchmark, to strive for excellence, and above all, unleash my potentials and believe in myself too.
• Tak lupa juga banyak sekali line managers-ku yang dari mereka aku belajar everyday excellence: Pak Cosmos & Pak Andrew (despite the tough love), Mba Distya (I love you so much Mba Distya, I learned so very much from you!), Mba Andiny (I adore you so very much too Mba Andiny, I developed so very much under your leadership), Mas Andrie (ah a great manager whom I can talk to like friends!), Priscila (a very appreciative LM!), and now Mas Ridwan (very sharp & ya begitulah wkwkw).
• Juga untuk banyak sekali WL3 lain yang pernah bersedia menyediakan waktunya untuk mentoring denganku dan dari mereka pula aku belajar banyak: Pak Diko, Mba Fiona, Mba Lenny, and now Mba Angie.

Ok this is not my farewell remarks so listing down everyone's name would be lame. But I really can't emphasize enough how many other great colleagues & new realizations I picked up along the way since I met those people. Of how exponential my growth has been in the past 2 years with them being the catalyst. Hard days, but paradoxically speaking, most rewarding ones.

From here (April 2020)

To here (Aug 2021)

Thinking of my last day at the spaceship someday, I would definitely cry of happy & sad tears of how big Unilever's impact to my development. Unilever is not just a company. It's a university of life.

Clapping with Both Hands.

 

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Weird Time to Live.

Today really is a weird time to live.

I've been saying this for a couple times now. On my caption, on my friend's birthday celebratory post, on my brain; the conclusion to all my wandering thoughts. Today really is a weird time to live.

Menutup Agustus dan menyambut September dengan sendu akibat banyaknya pikiran yang mengembara kemana-mana. Kemarin aku senang sekali setelah mendaki Gunung Slamet. Menyadari bahwa aku sudah menaklukkan Atap Jawa Tengah (Slamet), Jawa Timur (Semeru), dan Nusa Tenggara (Rinjani). Merayakan keberhasilan kecil dan besar melawan rasa capek dan ego yang ingin selalu divalidasi bahwa aku cewek kuat. Hari ini rasanya campur jadi satu. Kecewa karena aku masih belum menemukan spark, curiosity, dan flow untuk melakukan yang terbaik di kerjaan. Marah karena ter-trigger Mama & Papa sore ini (seriously just by looking at them I wanna scream - man, but at the same time I wanna hug them before it's too late.....). Sedih karena sisa 11 hari aku menikmati Surabaya, Jember, dekat dengan keluarga, dan (sedikit) berhura-hura menghabiskan uang karena setelah ini WFO, ngekos, dan harus hemat lagi. Tapi at the same time juga cukup senang. Bahwa aku akan punya banyak waktu sendiri lagi. Mencoba berteman dengan diriku sendiri dan pikiran-pikiranku yang liar, menantang diri sendiri dari ketakutan Medan. Untuk fokus lagi ke hal-hal yang sedang aku perjuangkan (seperti: belajar GRE untuk S2 - yes I'm officially on it now) dan untuk berani ambil sesi terapi psikologis karena kalau ambil di rumah I really have no privacy -- aku takut gabisa menahan emosi dan nangis-nangis sesenggukan abis sesi. To finally connect with my Jakarta friends, visit Bandung on WFH days, and the possibility of finally meeting 'my person'. I don't care if at this point I sound so desperate. Well tbh, some days I feel so empowered to live today as a single person, the other day I crave for intimacy too bad. In the end I just need to be understood - a shoulder and a rub at the back. Is this too much to ask?

Today really is a weird time to live.

I wish to live long enough to find the answer to so many questions in my head, secretly wishing to just die today and vanish right away. Like I never existed.