I am turning 26 yesterday. And honestly it was one of the best feeling ever this year.
Entah... banyak banget yang mau diceritakan selama umur 25. Mungkin gak banyak yang diceritain di blog, tapi semua ini rasanya sangat warm dan enlightening. The first 6 months of 25 was the lowest lowest LOWEST point of my life... tapi the second 6 months was... honestly the best. It was the polar of the 2 sides so contrast that it left me thinking how do I get into this duality of emotions of turning 26 and deciding whether being 25 was my best year or not.
Cos honestly it was not my best year yet... if I look into the POV of appreciating the highs of life. But due to the polarity of circumstances & emotions... it was the year I learn very very much about myself. And now that authenticity has become the value I hold dearly, being 25 has been a very much painfully rewarding experience losing and finding myself again.
I was in the darkest days of my life. I knew how it feels as if I'm worthless. I self-loathe. I blame myself. I beat myself up to the point where my mental pain becomes physical. But that's how I learn that:
- I learn that I have and will always need other people in my life. I'm gonna need everyone's little something to keep me sane. And it is totally fine to ask for help since I have a band of supportive people around me.
- I learn to identify & communicate my emotions... and actually speaking up for myself to aim a healthy communication - whatever the outcome may. Crying does not make me weak.
- I learn more about at what condition my best quality may perform. The difference between good and bad leader, the kinds I'm suitable to work with, the kind I enjoy and not.
- I learn to let go. I hold grudge over my former boss - yes (if it wasn't him I might have been a manager by now). But I learn that just surviving itself is a big achievement already. So I'm trying to let go. I may have not completely forgiven him, but by day, I know that my depression might not go to waste. Some things are not meant to be. Some setbacks are simply my jumping stones to bigger opportunities with more supportive people later.
- I learn to have a not little, but BIG compassion to myself and hopefully others. Maybe I'm not as fucked up. Maybe I'm just not compatible. Maybe it's just THEM not being able to see my potentials. Because diamond will always be a diamond.
- The difficult paths often leads to the most beautiful destination. The past 6 months, I managed to work a job that is very much enjoyable to me. With the best manager & director ever in my career. Responsible for an account I'm proud to call a business partner. I'm able to channel my critical thinking, creativity, and unending energy contributing to the team. I hosted CDAC (the biggest annual CD event). I hosted Dian Sastrowardoyo. I develop my account to a double-digit growth. I bloom, as I should, under the best condition where I a flower would given the best environment.
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Another period circling the sun. One year older and hopefully wiser.
And to another year living life in crescendo - growing bigger in gratitude, learning, and contribution.
