This Slow, Painful Way.

Nabil aku pengen benci kamu tapi nggak bisa.....
Semua orang tuh bilang 'Nabil tuh jahat kenapa masi klepek2 dah' atau 'Kenapa jadi galau Nabil lagi sih' atau 'Mending lupain Nabil' dan lain lain yang intinya aku disuruh melupakan.

TAPI GIMANA.
GIMANA CARANYA. KASI TAU AKU GIMANA.

Aku ini mulai..............lelah. Kenapa bethari bisa sangat goblik. Kenapa masih berharap. Kenapa nggak bisa biasa aja. Dan sampai kapan. Sampai kapan aku akan pengen-ketemu-tapi-sok2an-gamau-ketemu kayak gini. Kapan ya tuhan.

Don't say I'm not trying.

1) I hide my stories in instagram at times. Tau kenapa? Aku suka nggak sanggup kalo liat dia di daftar orang yang melihat kehidupanku. Freak ya? Iya. Bethari emang freak masalah cinta. Tau rasanya? |*deep sigh* Nyesek....... Banget...... Karna kamu ingin dia melihat kehidupan kamu bukan lewat instagram, tapi di sampingmu. Di sampingmu, and it's a whole different thing.
2) I block his line contact several times. Why? Cos I fucking want to stop my self from being curious about how he's up to at the moment. I fucking want but I fucking cant. And you say I dont try?I tried but I couldn't.

But nothing worked.

Well here's to admit that I don't get that much butterflies on my stomach the moment I see him. I don't think of him all day all night like I used to. But does that mean that the feeling just...disappear? Cos when you love someone and you break up, where does the love go? You make up your mind that it disappears. Oh baby no. No. You force yourself to think it does when it doesn't. You force yourself not to get used of that. That's what happens. But reality....is the feeling still there? Yes baby, the answer is yes.

So here's to admit as well.....that I DO STILL WANT HIM. I DO STILL LOVE HIM. Even after all this time, even after all this thing. Aku nggak tahu apakah ini akibat that first puppy love whatsoever, but here's I'm speaking truth. I thought it was one...but turns out ketika Bogik bilang kalo Nabil abis disakiti cewek pun aku juga sedih karena how could they be so rude to him...... aku tau ini bukan first puppy love you all assume.

Call me cray. I am. I am a desperate craze.

Gosh.... how.
 How to stop visualizing the image of what could have happened if we tried harder.

Do I simply have to let go? Do I have to cling on this for this could be a sign? Do I have to give him letter for the sake of telling him how much he'd consumed me, or do I have to tell him, in front of his face, how hurtful he's been for leaving me and never coming back?

Freak choices eh?
Once again, Bethari is crazy so please, keep that in mind.


Nabil, I hate you.