4 Kosan Kemudian.

AKU TUH CINTA BANGET SPOTIFY.

Terlepas apakah musik haram atau tidak.... aku gak mau munafik kalo musik sangat berpengaruh dalam hidupku. Music help me heal. It helps me deal with my own chaotic mind. Spotify is the cure I never knew I needed. Tau gak caraku menikmati musik sejak SMA-tahun kedua kuliah? Lihat Billboard & baca-baca artikel Grammy, buka YouTube, dengerin satu-satu, kalau suka maka aku akan cari videonya dan download video YouTube as MP3 pake online video downloader! Such effort! Tapi dengan adanya Spotify, dirty works kayak gitu udah bener-bener nggak ada lagi. Bisa bikin playlist, dengerin artis dari negara manapun, algoritmanya sesuai banget sama selera... JADI INTINYA PENGEN SEMBAH YG BIKIN SPOTIFY.

Hehe.

Tiap tahun Spotify juga rilis Wrapped gini, dan ternyata kita sudah bersama sejak 2016. Sejak itu nggak bisa bayangin hidup tanpa Spotify.

Malam ini aku memutuskan untuk dengerin Top Songs 2018.
Terus tiba-tiba mellow....

Lagu pertamanya adalah You and I dari Jon McLaughlin.
Masih inget banget kenapa lagu ini bisa jadi Top Songs, karena sempat beberapa hari ngulang lagu ini saking manis dan indahnya. Pas itu bahkan aplikasi Spotify aku lagi down terus aku belain streaming lewat web. Segitu cintanya aku sama Spotify. Tapi yang bikin mellow adalah:



Lagu itu aku dengerin sekitar bulan Agustus 2018, jaman-jaman ngerjain TA, di kosan Cisitu Baru. Lalu aku scrolling lagi dan menemukan lagu Million Dreams dari soundtrack The Greates Showman. Setelah aku ingat-ingat, film itu dirilis Januari 2018, dan aku nonstop dengerin playlist soundtrack itu selama 2 minggu.

JANUARI 2018.

Itu udah hampir 2 tahun lalu. Waktu itu aku masih tinggal di kosan Eyang. Lalu fast forward sekarang, aku di kosan KEDUA di Medan. Ketika aku dengerin lagu Million Dreams lagi, THE FEELS. Aku sudah mendengarkan lagu ini sejak kosan Eyang, lanjut kosan Cisitu Baru, lanjut kosan Jakarta, lanjut kosan pertama di Medan, dan sekarang udah kosan kedua di Medan.

Life...is...moving....before we've ever got the time to realize it.
Be present :)

How to: General Trade

My life in a nutshell:

I look very happy.....am I?

Happy is the prespective of its beholder. Oh well so diplomatic but hey again, human will NEVER be satisfied, am I right?

Hidupku cukup alhamdulillah. Cukup bahagia, cukup senang, cukup sedih, cukup stress. Segalanya dicukupkan HAHAHA. But seriously, I once prayed to have a job that requires me to TRAVEL a lot....now I do! I wander across Medan's tiniest streets and it's fun (and surprisingly, exhausting) at the same time! Tapi menurutku aku yah memulai perjalanan di Unilever dengan General Trade adalah kebijakan yang benar. GT gets you down to earth, literally.

So my life in a nutshell would be:

1. Kaos

2. Sepatu sendal

3. Rambut kuncir 

4. Less (and less) make up

5. Mobility (prolly will explain more about it)

But the best part is to really see the world as it is. Humans, colors, interactions. I love being on the road and love observing people, basically just how this whole thing works in harmony. And GT lets me do this. My new friends are the salesmen, the drivers, the helpers, and the outlet owners (well my mom is one). I ride motorcycles & trucks, and it's fun (meskipun gamau munafik naik mobil nyaman banget kak).

Tauga yg bikin ada stressnya apa? Hampir tiap hari sales curhat gaji dipotong. Belum lagi kalo driver nggak datang. Pengantaran telat. DISTRIBUTOR SUSAH DIATUR. Aduh. Udah. Biarkan aku menyimpan ini sendiri for myself.

Yg penting for now: mohon doakan aku bisa memperbaiki sistem disini dan lolos dr penempatan ini. Aamiin. Bismillah.

Hope to update more frequently soon!

Hi from Miles Away!

Hi, it's me again!

Hitting up blogspot again cos life starts to freak out....literally.

Ok so...it's me. In case you forgot that I existed. Lol.
The last time I write about work....was when I was about to start my FIRST JOB, which is Kantar Millward Brown. Gosh, I hate myself that I didn't write much (or didn't write at all) about my life there....cos it was happy life in MB!

At first it was lohe-leho moments. Everything was new. I have never worked full time previously and I just realized that I hated routine (I do miss college where every day is a surprise day and that my impulsivity got its best place). I just knew MB 2 weeks before I started tho, so I guess I had no expectation at all about prior to working there as well. Yet everything is exactly what and how I needed to learn, MB is exactly what and how it needed to be for my first job! Guess what?

I love marketing and this market research industry, or MB to be exact, is literally what I needed to:

1. Learn marketing at the very basic.
2. Start my professional world right.
3. Know my kind of ideal workplace.

Will never stop thanking God enough for putting me there almost 10 months.
Yas, I started at December 2018....and resigned per September 2019.

It broke my heart as well to know that I did resign from this company but then again.....

HERE. I. AM.
RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW.

In Medan for my first stint in one of the best (if not the best) MANAGEMENT TRAINEE PROGRAM OF ALL TIME.....for one of the best (if not the best) BIG FMCG COMPANY IN THE WORLD.....with one of the best (if not the best) OFFICE IN INDONESIA.

Wanna bet?

Here I am. At Unilever.
It's. Freakin'. UNILEVER.

Who would've thought that?
This has been my 5th (and last) attempt applying for MT program (after Ruangguru, Shopee, Danone, Gojek yet all failed) but when I thought I had enough trying and would just gave up already..... Allah gave me this. I still remember the days when I hardly pray for it and thought this was probably not for me. He is kind, He is good! :)

And here I am again.

Life starts to freak out again.
(SUMPAH RASANYA INI SEKARANG KAYAK LG NGERJAIN TA)

It's like you're carrying 1000 kgs on your shoulder but everyone's is expecting you to carry 1000 kgs more. Still not my burning point tho but the last time I felt this way....was when I started to do my tugas akhir. Within this short period of 3 months, I am expected to propose recommendation. This time, WITH A PROOF. With a hardly calculated result of what I did which eventually brings improvement.

Things get hard when you have a business partner who wants help but doesn't want to be helped.
And you have 2 mentors in which each has different opinion so you kinda lost about what you're going to do. And you have a manager whose words are swords and will cut you in pieces. And you have a family with its own problems who (unintendedly) takes up space in your mind as well. And you have no one to talk to about all this heart to heart without looking at you as their boss but rather as a 23-yo girl who's lost and needs help on her own too.


But everything I'm going through is preparing me for everything I asked for.
I literally am freaked out about this journey (even if I'm still on my 7th week) but really, I'm just gonna do the best I can and let God do the rest. I'll just need to make sure that what I gave (time, energy, heart) will justify my worth to deserve the best too.

Aamiin.
Lead me along this journey, ya Allah. Bismillahirrohmanirrohim.

The Storms of My Own.

I know it hurts.
Don't wanna get out of bed.
Much rather lay there instead.
Instead, you face what you fear –
The thought that no one is near.

 

It hurts.
You're living but don't feel alive.
No motivation or drive,
As you search for answers to why,
Oh, why.

Why me?

 
Won't somebody please,
Take my burdens away.
I can't do this today.

You've got to hold on.
Hold onto what you believe in.
Weather through every season.
Take it one day at a time.

 
You've got to hold on.
Don't put aside what you're feeling.
There is a process of healing.
You will be more than alright.
Take it one day at a time.

 

So overwhelming.
Everyone's counting on you.
Unaware you need help too.
But you don't say a word,
Too much work to be done.

No fun.

 
Go through the motions eyes closed.
'Cause you're always doing the most.
But the more that you do,
The more you seem to lose.

I have tried hard to fight against all my desires.
I would swallow my pride,
But I know I am called to live free and fulfilled.
No, it will not be easy,
But I will be still.

I will be still.
I will be still and know.

 

 

a heartbreakingly good song from Jessica Chung

I'm Over You.

I'm over you.

---

Whenever I walk past our old haunts,
Whenever you cross my mind,

---

I'll roll these words softly in my mouth,
I'll clutch them tightly between my teeth,

---

Like a protection charm for the believer.
Like a fevered prayer for the faithful.

---

If I say it often enough, perhaps it will come true.
And if I say it often enough, perhaps I'll start to believe it myself.

---

I'm over you.
I'm over you.

Steffi Teowira

2018: A Year In a Nutshell.

Give it up to..... my mandatory 2018 reflection posts!

YEAY! Hello everyone, how's your new year been going? Hope everything is fine, everything is well. Yesterday's feeling was messed, let's bring it back the positive vibes!

To open (hopeful it'd be) a wonderful year, frankly speaking with this weird feeling, I plan to do a recap with some of the best and worst highlights from 2018.

        1) Worst to remind me how blessed I have been all this time.

        2) Best to motivate me to make 2019 as cool as 2018.

So to sum up last year aka 2018, one word that best represents it would be.....

OUT OF THIS WORLD!

(and that is not even one word!)

Just like what I've posted in instagram exactly 7 days ago, I wouldn't say that this is my best year ever in my life, EVEN WHEN IT IS, because I truly believe that each year has its own stories and struggles worth remembering, but I can't help. This year truly IS my year. Tahun yang benar-benar mengajarkanku bahwa kekuatan mimpi benar adanya. Banyak turunnya, lebih banyak naiknya!

(thought I'm gonna make it an English-written post but... the excitement's too loud. bilingual way won't hurt anybody I guess)

Mendeskripsikan tahun ini tuh susah banget karena banyak banget yang dipelajarin tahun ini. I'm not saying bahwa tahun-tahun sebelumnya nggak memberikan banyak pelajaran, it's just...2018 is somewhat beyond my expectation in every aspect, bahkan yang sedih-sedih juga dibalas berkali lipat indahnya. I was overwhelmed with what God has done in every step of the way, every action, every single breath. Selalu ada sesuatu yang ditunggu di setiap bulannya, mulai dari yang memang sudah direncanakan sampe kejutan-kejutan diluar akal sehat, tapi Allah selalu kasih yang lebih dari yang sudah direncanakan. Jadi aku yakin ini hasil tangan Allah karena akal manusia nggak bisa bikin memproses hal-hal ini. Truly defines my kind of "a million dreams are keeping me awake" karena segala yang aku lakukan tahun ini benar-benar berangkat dari hati. Mengerjakannya sangat lelah dan capek, tapi semuanya aku lakukan dengan cinta sehingga segalanya terasa rewarding, regardless hasilnya baik atau buruk.

Tahun 2018 seperti titik kulminasi.

Segala yang aku perjuangkan selama ini, terlebih selama empat tahun kuliah, terbayar lunas dengan sangat indah dan ditutup dengan sangat manis. Rasa-rasanya Allah memang nggak pernah salah mencanangkan waktu yang terbaik untuk setiap rencana hamba-Nya. Banyak hal yang aku minta sejak SD, SMP, SMA, bahkan hal-hal yang dulu sempat ada di daftar 100 Dreams yang aku tempel di kosan Eyang (dan sekarang udah dibuang waktu pindahan ke kosan Cisitu) yang ditulis dengan penuh keraguan ternyata didengar dan diwujudkan. Dan sekarang, jadi yakin banget dengan "kalau niat kita baik, nanti Allah yang bantu menyelesaikan". Karena aku mengalami sendiri, banyak hal yang aku tuntut tapi nggak tercapai sampai dulu aku marah sama Allah why does my life have to be like this? Why are my friends' lives so happy and comfort while mine was like a mess all around?! Now I can totally connect the dots. Not all figured out, but I am uncovering more and more of my life's greatest questions every single day.

Mulai dari best feeling berasa di atas awan sampe worst diinjak-injak aku rasakan di tahun ini. Semuanya memberikan pelajaran! Yang best dimulai dengan IECOM, bikin Develop Dolly, akhirnya menginjak Indonesia Timur dan melihat pendidikan disana, nangis dapet kabar PPAN setelah twist, keluar negeri pertama kali, menyentuh Taj Mahal (never in a million years I thought it's gonna happen this soon!), senangnya lihat temen lulus di Wisuda Juli, leganya sidang, ketemu Mr. Brian di Asian Paragames, merasakan cinta yang luar biasa waktu wisuda, keluar negeri lagi kedua kalinya demi MotoGP (bahkan di awal tahun pengen keluar negeri sekali aja udah seneng banget, ini Allah kasih dua-duanya dan sama-sama gratis, baik banget yah Allah), sampe akhirnya memulai kehidupan kerja di perusahaan multinasional yang membuat aku belajar banyak tentang passion-ku di marketing, Kantar Millward Brown.
Yang worst, juga banyak kok. Tenang! Mulai dari anxiety di awal tahun harus ngumpulin duit buat Dolly (se-anxious itu btw rasanya!), missing out nggak ikut kulker (kuliah kerja) karena harus ngerjain Develop Dolly, pindah dari kosan Eyang setelah 3,5 tahun, sampe heartbreaking news tanggal 1 April 2018: "Bethari kamu belum berhasil jadi perwakilan Jatim di PPAN 2018. Tapi kamu Cadangan 1 kok, selamat ya. Semoga hasilnya yang terbaik." Hehe nggak papa mbak udah biasa ditolak kok :)
Lalu setelah itu mulai insecure-insecure TA sampe sering banget di rumah tapi tidur jam 3-4 pagi karena kepikiran TA yang belum mulai, detox media sosial dua bulan sambil kerja rodi tugas akhir dari jam 7 pagi sampe 1 malem (TIAP HARINYA), sampe nangis-nangis nggak karuan di Asian Paragames dengan segala dramanya (I literally cried in front of Mr. Brian 3 hari berturut-turut karena beban yang sangat luar biasa, oh how I miss him), kegalauan memilih karir pertama, sampai akhirnya beneran meninggalkan Bandung dan segala memorinya. Kalo dipikir-pikir tahun ini emang bener-bener overwhelming sih! Happy and sad at the same time, atau kalaupun engga, perasaan dibolak-balikkan hanya dalam sekejap. Beneran rollercoaster ride yang berjalan secepat kecepatan cahaya (alay tapi rasanya beneran gitu). Tapi tetep, banyak yang bisa dan HARUS disyukuri di setiap perjalanannya karena membuat aku belajar banyak banget. Alhamdulillah.

Di 2018 aku membuktikan ke diriku, dan ke banyak orang yang pernah/sedang mengalami fase diriku dulu (doubting theirselves and doubting God's work) bahwa KEKUATAN MIMPI ITU BENAR ADANYA. Allah itu nggak pernah tidur, He never did and never will.

No dreams will ever be too much for those willing to work their asses off.

And if you think you have worked so hard but He never granted even one, you just need to keep working on it, keep believing it and someday it will all be justified. Whether it's just you who don't work hard enough, or simply because it wasn't meant for you and you are destined for something else GREATER and/or more SUITABLE for you in the end.

Listing down all the highlights here would make this the longest post ever so I think I'm gonna do the recap in the upcoming one. Half is ready, just a little more time to complete, along with the linkage to my other corresponding post, be it in the past or the future (if it's ready, ofc) to help me reminisce the moment and connect the dots.

Plus a bonus foto of my 2018 resolution.

Unfiltered, stroked here and there. Some changed plans and desperate wishes written out of curiosity. In the end, these wildest thoughts are those that keep me going to make the life I've always wanted.

Don't call it dreams. Call it plans.

If you talk about it, it's a dream.

If you envision it, it's possible.

But if you schedule it, It's real.

Midnight Mellow.

Sejujurnya udah lama banget nggak ngerasain insecure. I thought I've dealt with everything.

Turns out...no.

I am sorry for starting 2019 posts real bad with this kind of post but tonight has been hard, really.

I just got texts from my friend who aced McKinsey PST, now heading to Interview. I am happy for her/him (you guess). But that also equals to I am sad with myself. I feel like a worthless piece of shit. I failed at McKinsey PST and need to wait 2 years for the next test. I know I didn't prepare it properly but still, if she/he can, WHY CAN'T I? WHY GOD WHY?

I never knew if I really wanted McKinsey in the first place, but just thinking of working there gets me butterflies, and that butterfly feeling means.... another dream to be unlocked. I still want to build my own foundation too, but who says I can't do it hand-in-hand? To be brutally honest, I don't know if it's just me feeling envy with her/him whose life already perfect they don't need anymore nice thing (which I shouldn't be feeling, I know...) or is it just me slowly (and secretly) wanting McKinsey as my dream company it just hurts to know someone else is paving their way there and I was rejected. I just feel like I really am an ugly stupid wreck cos I don't get the dreams I wanted and she/he got everything I've always wanted.

Been so long since the last time I felt kinda....missing out, ignored. I am loving my worklife at my current company, everyone's been welcoming even if I still don't get the decent load I deserve (considering I love working and a small amount of work got me feel useless), but when it comes to a company everyone is dying to work for........

God's answers would be in 3 ways:

1. Yes
2. Yes, but later.
3. I have bigger plans.

If He could talk, the answer to my prayer definitely is NOT a Yes for now.

It could be Yes, but later or I have bigger plans.

I still have my life unravelled.

A later yes or a bigger plan, aku tau Tuhan selalu menyertaiku dan menyelesaikan niat baikku.

But still....I want to work at McKinsey too.

Allah...Please?