In Between Road Trips.

Now I am sitting looking out at the window. On my way to Jakarta. Have I told you that April is coming to an end and I've been going back to Surabaya third time already?

I love window seats. Cars, buses, trains, planes. The slice of life I'm passing by fascinates me. In this very time, God is giving me a proper time to contemplate about me, myself, and everything in between.

I'm thinking about what my brain could handle during this so-called leisure time.
About the past: Exactly a year ago was AISEP, His way of how childhood dreams are being made, and my life after that which I can never think would turn out without its occurrence. Not to mention my recent failures at Cak-Ning which brought me to this very condition at the bus.
About the present: why I'm sitting here, what I'm doing in general, what I'm pursuing, and how I'm coping with tangled puzzles in my mind.
About the future: my job, my dreams, how I'm going to live the rest of my life and who I'm going to spend my life with.
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As much as I love being in a journey, I hate leaving places. I left my heart at every corner so leaving equals to the need of forgetting, the need of letting go. New experience sounds appealing for me, but leaving means having your feelings somewhere without knowing the possibility to pick it up again someday somehow, if that makes sense.

I love road trips. The more I see people, the more I see my reflections in them. People are magnificent creatures. We think and we feel. Things like this which differ us from other beings.

In between road trips I find myself.
Getting off this bus, the other words for ending this road trip, meaning to turn those findings to executions. And to be honest, it's scary to leave home and face adulthood again.

I guess I love road trips more than ever because for a second, it allows me to do whatever I want to do with my mind: whether to be utterly fragile and run away from my problematic stories or to be fearlessly unstoppable and dream as high as possible.... with no one being judgmental. I guess I love road trips because I need that very moment (or person?) to whom I can pour my thoughts, my insecurities, my scattered plans to with them being very...understanding. Of how limited and unlimited I can be. For a second I can be no one and anyone.

In between road trips I find myself. And in between them I lost them too.

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Somewhen on April 2019, on the train from Jkt to Sby