Dreams - we just had to.

Jumat kemarin abis makan malem sama Adey - one person I just got closer with this year since my UI days. She's like a Godsent angel that saved my days many times (love you, Adey, let's stick around for a long, long time!). I guess the reason why aku dekat dengan Adey, selain karena kerjaan yg ga kelar-kelar dan penuh komedi sejak di UI, sampe sekarang aku di SM dan Adey di Buavita adalah... karena kita punya mimpi yang sama.

Tentu berbicara mimpi untuk manusia berumur 24 dan 25 tahun sangat naif (atau tidak?), tapi seperti yang sering aku gaungkan. Gak peduli mimpinya tercapai atau nggak - dreams are not only meant to be achieved. Dreams are there to keep you going. 

Kita sama-sama suka isu sosial. We both want to work for/with UN. Not quite sure the specific role would be, we just want to drive change - as small as it can be - for a greater good. And so there we are after opening up about our dreams - foolishly hang our hopes up at the sky, treating it like the light at the end of the tunnel.

Jumat kemarin obrolannya tentu saja, bermula dari kerjaan yang sangat menguras fisik dan mental di kantor ini. Of how stressful it's been for both of us to keep up with everything, despite having limited rest time to begin with. (not promoting toxic productivity here - we just had to), then about.....

1. How some people just BELONG to this company and how we think we just.... DON'T - assessing if it's on us to blame or is it just life. Like how we struggle to keep everything in place, how we always question our worth & capability while some others can love this company to bits while here we are here trying hard to inject meaning for the sake of self-actualization and still somehow failed....
2. How some can be very PRAGMATIC when it comes to numbers and how can't we..... Obrolan ini dimulai akibat aku cerita tentang Andhara yang sangat realistis dan pragmatis mengejar angka di awal karirnya - which is GAPAPA, dan pada akhirnya membuat kita berpikir.... kenapa ya kita nggak bisa se-pragmatis itu? Kenapa kita HARUS punya mimpi yang kayak gitu? Yang bikin kita punya what if scenarios in our head tentang ideal & beautiful things we'll have on parallel universe if everything falls into place dan akhirnya bikin kita merasa perlu punya back up plan of how things should be...

Jujur aku benci mikirin ini - tapi ini somehow harus dihadapi - karena aku tau jawabannya. Aku benci punya mimpi yang tinggi karena aku tau, kalo ditarik ke kondisi sekarang, my dreams are nowhere close dan aku ga siap menghadapi diriku sendiri dan pikiran-pikiran idealis maupun pragmatisnya. Kalo aku tau ini gak align sama mimpiku, aku tau aku harusnya ngejar, but I stay. And it's because and only because I need the money. Tapi aku nggak tau (belum mikirin lebih tepatnya) sampai kapan kondisinya terus begini.

So when Adey raised that concern.... I just need to agree. I hate why I have this dream that I make up scenarios in my head, but I knew I just had to. We just had to - as idealistic as they might sound.