Excessive Amount of Holiday.

Writing this on an anxious Sunday afternoon, by the pool at Courtyard Seminyak Bali. How on earth am I here? The so-called ✨much needed holiday✨

Now that I am on holiday almost everytime and that I am in Bali for 9 weeks in cumulative this year.... holiday does not feel like one anymore. I am in Bali more than I am in Jember with my fam. Blue sky and oceans are my everyday sight now. And seeing one doesn't really cure anymore.

And this is how I know it is excessive already.

Occassions that I thought would get me escape, are the ones causing me anxiety of getting too much escapism and break time. Irony. Do I deserve this? Probably yes. But do I deserve this much? Absolutely no. It is called "holi"-day for a reason, right?

Setelah berkontemplasi singkat di kolam renang ini...sepertinya aku mau memutuskan bahwa dalam waktu dekat, aku mungkin nggak mau kemana-mana. Mau kembali ke masa bulan Mei-September yang gak kemana-mana kecuali ke Jember. When my escape was as simple as morning walk and Transmart Jember. Totally harder days, but each break is savoured mindfully. Now I take everything granted and I kinda regret it.

Rencana ke Jakarta, Bandung, Palu, whatever you call it....well lets see. Kalau masi diperlukan ayo, kalau enggak lets drop it. Plus it costs me money yang better ditabung aja #pelitmodeon. Udah, per bulan depan, bulan puasa, aku mau mindful. Aku mau fokus improve diri dengan bekerja di stint baru (bismillah), atau mungkin PM (who knows), puasa mendekatkan diri sama Allah, nulis jurnal sampe tangan pegel, introspeksi diri dan 1st quartal.... fokus kembali ke what matters in life.

Holiday certainly is not one of them. Wellbeing is, but balanced wellbeing tidak hanya dicapai dengan liburan kan :)

Aku ingin menjadi sahabat, teman, kakak, adik, anak, onty, dan (calon) pasangan yang baik untuk diriku dan orang-orang sekitarku. Cukup bersenang-senang dengan excessive holiday di Q1 untuk reward diri sendiri atas 2020 yang penuh kerja keras dan air mata. Sisanya, ayo kita adjust planning hidup lagi!